Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Weary and Blessed

I have been recently thinking about being weary.
the boys Christmas '07
Galations 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good,
for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

There is a lot going on here, and a lot going on in my entire life (especially emotionally). So I am feeling weary. Not quite sure how to turn that corner. I have struggled on and off with depression/anxiety, especially associated with the whole pregnancy experience, times 3. That makes almost 5 years of struggling on and off to get out of bed, to get out of the shower and to get out of the house.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I love my kids, but often feel like I am not doing my best for them and this makes me sad. I want to have energy and patience and all that is not springing out of me joyfully on a daily basis. This is not a rant or complaint, just a reminder to myself that I am not sufficient. I must get my strength from God. Time to switch gears.
I have read in a few different places recently the phrase "do you really believe it?". I think that is the main issue here, I know things but I don't live like I really believe them. That is my new charge for myself, memorize and live out those things I am reading.
Armful of kids
Psalm 127:4-5
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.

Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Basketful of kids

I guess this is for me. I memorized this when I was expecting R, it came to mind, and boy do I feel like we have a house (or a quiver) full of kids.
So I plan to refresh my memory on this one, and live like I am blessed.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Jess,
    I hear you loud and clear. I stuggle daily also with doing the best for my children, and being a patient, JOYFUL parent. It is a one breath, one step at a time thing for me too. I am really really so BLESSED by you and your openess to put it out there. You are so real and I love that. It brings me great JOY to be able to hear you and see you living out your awesome and amazing life. I love the photo of you juggling all three kids in the kitchen. It is so true that we are not sufficient on our own...only with Christ can we being to be. Call me, I am here...willing to listen and to love. I am so thankful for his unending GRACE. So be gentle to yourself, because HE is. :-)